Take Me Away Page 11

  She was right and wrong. Levi was demanding and ugly sometimes in his selfishness, but she was right in describing it lazing like the summer. Everything we did was slow and thoughtful. Every step.

  Truthfully, our relationship formed slowly, gently over time. It was tentative and sweet. We were both unsure and sometimes unwilling to ruin the friendship we'd built. Ours had been a relationship based on laughter and music. On the world which could be heard and touched rather than on what the eyes could see.

  Levi is prickly and disagreeable - he flinches away from people like a wild, wounded animal. He blames the world because it can see and he can't. I think in a way he blames me too because before I came along he was content with the daily grind - visits from his cousin and the company of his dog. There was nobody forcing the world on him, forcing society on him. There was no one demanding he participate in life beyond listening to the radio. Then I was there, knocking on his door, dragging him into the circus outside it.

  He treated me poorly on occasion but I wasn't fair myself. I ran, I left with barely a word and without looking back. I know what I did was incredibly unfair on him - there was no way for him to contact me. I just vanished, I suppose reinforcing the cruelty of the world. Of humankind. I had forsaken him just as his friends had when he first began his descent into blindness. Their abandonment had been a result of guilt and awkwardness, it had been a slow and lonely, terrifying time for him. My betrayal had been abrupt and cruel. He'd mistreated me, but I'd ruined his trust. Maybe this girl, this Amber, will be good for him. Mend him. Help him to see that he's not the victim in every situation. I hope that he will heal with every ounce of my being, but the thought of her clinging to him makes me sick.

  I picture her. It's not hard to see why he fell for this upbeat, damaged dove. She is sweet, cloyingly so, and she clings to him like I never would. Holds his hand and touches his arm, leans against him, craving support. Validation. I never had the opportunity to do this - I was always busy supporting him. It's not a happy moment, the realisation that you're simultaneously responsible for someone's utter depression, intensified hatred of life and that only upon breaking your own heart can you free them from this awful curse.

  Now he has this fragile, damaged, needy girl on his arm and that kills me. Has he healed? Have I been that easy to get over? Were there any feelings hidden behind his unseeing eyes left for me? Did he spend as much time as I imagining if things were different? If we weren't both so stubborn and stupid...

  I pull a photo of him out of the back of my travel journal. I'd kept it tucked back there the entire trip, but I'd only looked at it twice while I was away. I'd taken him to the Fremantle Markets on a lazy Sunday morning to experience the noise and smells and frenetic feel of the place. I'd taken a lot of pictures that day but this one is my favourite. We'd been standing listening to a young busker create the most moving, vivid tribal sounds on his didgeridoo and Levi had turned to me with a wide, open, pure smile and said simply,

  "Thank you."

  It had been enough. This photo of that moment made me miss him with a terrible longing. That smile could break me. For once he'd stowed his glasses in his pocket and it was just him and me staring at each other - even in the midst of that fluid crowd we were present and I felt like, as we held hands, this was it. This was the rest of my life.

  Two weeks after that I'd been on a plane, heartbroken, miserable and dying not to feel.

  Three days later Handsome and Lena had enough of my wallowing. They'd also had enough of me using them as soundboards trying to figure out what was going on with Levi. I was sick of my thoughts and my voice as well, so they dragged me out on the town. It was exactly what I needed - it was a damn fun night with outstanding results.

  I glance over at the sleeping man wrapped only slightly in my sheets and I can't suppress a grin. But Levi is still on my mind. I was drunk last night and it was a good time. Hague and Lena are excellent wingmen, since both of them have so much practice in the random hookup department. I barely had to do any work and I ended up in a taxi back to my place with a strapping lad two years my senior with excellent endurance and a body I could climb like a jungle gym. They'd chosen a fellow who wasn't too drunk - there would be no passing out on this booty bonanza, not on Lena's watch. "You want a guy who can get it up, not a guy who can't get up." She'd said, quite succinctly. Hague had nodded sagely and then gone up to the fellow and introduced himself.

  Now there was the issue of getting him out of the house. The only conversation which had taken place last night was, "Do you have condoms?" and "Yeah." So I'm not sure if we're going to connect that well in the morning. I think about making a bit of a racket and waking him up so he awkwardly leaves but then I realise that it really doesn't matter, so I slip into the bathroom quietly, make sure I don't look like a total mess, rehydrate as all responsible binge drinkers must do and then curl back up in bed to fall asleep.

  I don't know how much later it is that I wake, but when I do the guy (I'm not 100% but I think his name is Thomas) has his arm and leg slung over top of me and is still asleep. I feel a bit smothered and the heat is a little bit unbearable so I wriggle out as delicately as possible, but he still wakes.

  He makes a sleepy noise and rubs a hand over his face, "Hey."

  "Hey," I say back and smile.

  "So, um, do you have the time?" He is cute. Lena and Hague did well. Messy blonde hair, brown eyes and a very adorable sleepy face.

  "Around ten, I think. I can't, umm," I wriggle my body and prop myself on his upper body so I can reach across and grab my phone from the nightstand. I feel his intake of breath when my breasts come free of the sheet and rest on his chest. "Ten-fifteen." I finish and then lie back down, rearranging the sheet.

  An hour later we are both sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea and watching Mornings with Sonja Kruger and that singer guy. I'm not sure if she's doing it justice - I think she should have left it at Tina Sparkles. The transition from one night stand to brunch was both less awkward than might be expected and kind of cool. He did the whole 'What are you up to today?' thing and I shrugged. Nothing much. Offered him a cup of tea. He smiles brilliantly and that was that. I know staying in the morning isn't the done thing but whatever, since when I have I followed social rules?

  Thom turns out to be a really cool guy - he's clever and gorgeous and funny. He just finished uni and is working for an engineering firm in the city - I admire his drive; he wants to become a partner there someday. I tell him about my travels and all the things I've seen and done in the first year and he tells me that he's jealous that I can just drop everything and fly across the world alone. That I was brave enough to do this. We are laughing at the Genie-Bra infomercial when my doorbell rings.

  I look down at what I'm wearing - denim shorts and a Rubens t-shirt with splatters of 'Deep Teal' from when I'd repainted a few walls last year. Good enough. Thom was just sporting his jeans from the evening before because he claimed that his shirt smelled like beer and cigarettes and he couldn't stand to wear it. His hair is still damp from the shower that we took together where we may have gotten a bit frisky. Honestly? I don't really mind that he's shirtless and wet haired. I can think of a lot of worse things to spend a morning looking at than Thom's naked chest.

  I open the door and I'm still laughing at the impersonation Thom is pulling the piss out of the ladies modeling the Genie-Bra. The laugh catches short in my throat as I see that it's Levi blocking my view of the street.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "Who else is here with you?" He demands, his head turning towards my living room where Thom is heckling Sonja Kruger.

  "None of your damn business," I say, louder than I realise. Thom looks over curiously. I wonder what he sees - it isn't obvious that Levi is blind - he's simply a tall guy wearing glasses. Midget is at his side but from Thom's position out of sight.

  "I thought you said you were single." He accuses.

  "Just go away Levi! I don't want to see y
ou!"

  "Well, I want to see you. It's all I've wanted since I met you." Low blow.

  "Piss off, you asshole! You have a girlfriend. You're out of my life!" He reaches out and does the arm grabbing thing. I'm getting mighty sick of this. "We can't do this anymore - you said it yourself, we're not good together." I struggle slightly but he holds on.

  "I need you to talk to me."

  "I don't want to. And you're causing a scene. Let go of my arm."

  "Casey, please..."

  "Levi! Let me go!" I say, pulling back.

  "Hey! Mate, the lady says to let go." Thom is suddenly standing behind me, I can feel his warmth at my back. "I suggest that you do it, before I get angry."

  "Who are you?" Levi asks.

  "I'm a friend of Casey's. Who the hell are you?"

  "I'm the guy who's heart she trampled."

  It's then that Tom notices Midget. "You used to date a blind guy?"

  "It's a long story. One that I'm not getting into right now. I'm sorry you had to see this Thom. Levi, if you ever come near me again I'm going to lead you out into the middle of traffic. Now piss off to your pinup girlfriend and leave me the hell alone!"

  I slam the door in his face. Thom is looking at me like I'm a monster. I flinch away from him,

  "You should probably go now. I'm sorry."

  "Yeah, sure. I... uh..."

  I push some hair back from my face. I know I'm blushing furiously from shame and anger and guilt. I'm sure I look like a complete asshole to Thom but he doesn't know the full story. Sigh. Now I'll be known as the girl who screams at blind people.

  Thom grabs his shirt from my room and comes back out to find me with my face in my hands, angry and embarrassed.

  "I know that looked really bad and I can't really explain except to say that he wasn't the only one who wound up with a broken heart." Thom looks at me sadly and pulls the shirt over his head.

  "Casey, I had a good night -"

  "Me too. I'm sorry about all that. Do you need a lift home?"

  "That's fine. I actually have a mate who lives a few blocks away. I'll just snag a ride off him."

  I walk him to the door and watch as he heads down the path. He reaches the sidewalk and turns around,

  "I left my number on your dresser. Call me if you like. We can hang out again." Then he starts off at a jog down the street, through the cool spring air.

  We both know I will never call him. Will Levi stand in the way of every man I meet, forever? The Dutch fellow I hooked up with in South America wasn't an idiot. He was sweet and kind and had a little bit of a belly, but was funny and vivacious and I didn't care. But every time I was with him I only wanted him to be Levi. I think he could sense it. It wasn't an issue at the beginning - we were just having some fun. Then it got too much for me and we went our separate ways.

  Chapter 9

  A week passes. Both Pene and Lena are raging when they hear about Levi's surprise visit. Lena wants to go graffiti his house but I manage to convince her not to by pointing out that it would be an utterly useless endeavour - he would never know. I haven't called Thom and I don't intend to. He was sweet and hot but I don't think I need any more drama in my life. Pene thinks I should call him - 'Just hook up. Keep it casual. Anything to take your mind off Fucking Levi!'

  That's what his name is now - Fucking-Levi. Not Levi, not That Blind Asshole (although that runs a close second) but Fucking-Levi. My friends have created the I-Hate-Levi-Weston bandwagon and they really want me to jump aboard, but I can't do it. It makes me angry, he makes me angry, but I don't hate him.

  I made a mistake when I left so abruptly - when I didn't stay for a resolution. Now I'm stuck in a kind of limbo half wanting to hate him for his brief moment of utter cruelty and half wanting to talk to him. Figure things out. And I almost get up to go see him except then I picture Amber (who, as a side note, has become known as That Blonde Bitch) and I realise that I'm the one who hasn't moved on, like a goddamn idiot.

  ::CaseSpace and ZEKEophile have joined the conversation::

  CaseSpace says: If I bought you some sushi would you come over and give me a foot massage?

  ZEKEophile says: No. Absolutely not.

  CaseSpace says: Oh come on! My feet are sore. Also I can't be bothered getting off the couch.

  ZEKEophile says: Why are your feet so sore? Also Pene told me that Fucking-Levi came over to your place last week. Do you want me to punch him in the throat so he can't see or talk?

  ZEKEophile says: Anthony has offered to box his ears so he's completely deprived of senses.

  CaseSpace says: Thanks, Zeke, but no. No punching please. My feet are sore because I did my first shift at my new totally awesome workplace!

  ZEKEophile says: Sarcasm?

  CaseSpace says: Yes. My friend Alexi got me a job at Botanica. I'm not used to spending so much time on my feet now, with all that sitting about on planes or in pubs I did. I decided it was time to get myself a job because if I don't earn some money, soon I'll be selling the Big Issue like you.

  ZEKEophile says: Objection! I am not homeless.

  CaseSpace says: You will be soon. Pene told me that your mum is going to kick you out because you never do any work around the house and she's sick of you mooching.

  ZEKEophile says: I took out the rubbish bins last week. So there! Anyway, I'm starting at my Belmont Shire job next week so I won't be home so much. Probably I'll pay some board too.

  CaseSpace says: You're a diamond in the rough, my friend. So what else is going on, Zeke? I feel like now we're not at uni together anymore we never just hang out. I miss spending all day at the Tavern going to no classes and doing absolutely no study.

  ZEKEophile says: I know! It's an outrage. I'm not doing anything today - come over. We can shoot the shit and watch the cricket.

  CaseSpace says: I'll be there in 15. Beer or cider?

  CaseSpace says: That's okay. I'll bring both.

  ::CaseSpace has left the conversation at 10:54am::

  ::ZEKEophile has left the conversation at 10:54am::

  It's not hard to waste time with my friends. Zeke and I spent the entire day watching the cricket, celebrating Australia doling out a beating to the South Africans on his giant 55" TV, naturally sinking beers all the while. After we went and sat outside on the porch to catch the last rays of sun. Zeke cranked the stereo and we were soon joined by Anthony who'd been working all day but had managed to wrangle the night shift off. Slowly everyone began to gather. Handsome and Lena arrived with his cousin Poppy from England who they were entertaining for the week. Penelope rocked up solo but with two casks of goon, so we strapped them to the washing line and played Goon of Fortune until it was too dark to see. KayT calls at about eight and we convince her to blow off dinner with her family to come over and have some fun. Anthony is beside himself. Even though she has a girlfriend, he still entertains himself with thoughts of her discovering, years later, that he is the one for her. By the time KayT arrives we are having a Nintendo 64 Mario Kart competition, with losers of each race shooting whatever spirits we find around the house. I have been subjected to shots of vodka, Sambuca and peach schnapps thus far, and I can't say I'm enjoying it immensely.

  The revelry continues well into the night. It is carefree and everyone is happy. It's what I want my whole life to be like. At about three in the morning when everyone is either passing out in the living room or heading home rather inebriated and in a taxi, I find myself outside sitting on the garden table with Handsome, sipping what might be a Sir Smurfalot. Handsome is telling me about how he's pretty sure he's in love with Lena and that he's a touch worried about it. Girl is a heartbreaker. I tell him not to worry so much, what will be, will be. Lena likes him plenty too - he needn't be concerned on that account. We both look through the glass doors into the living room - Lena is currently passed out half on, half off the couch, drooling all over a cushion and clutching one of Zeke's shoes to her chest. Hague smiles fondly while I wrinkle my nose a little.

>   "Ew."

  "She's certainly one of a kind."

  "Yeah. I don't know how she does it. She's batshit crazy but she's the only person I know who knows exactly what she wants and then goes and gets it."

  "I'm going to miss her when she goes on that research mission." Hague stares out into the darkness but his face is tense.

  "Oh yeah. That's for like two months right? When does she leave?"

  "Next fortnight. Two months out on the Indian Ocean with a bunch of Diver Dan type characters looking at whales. I'm afraid she'll turn into Ocean Girl and go live on an island somewhere, never to come home."

  "She likes shopping too much to do that." I lean over and bump him with my shoulder reassuringly.

  Hague grins and glances over at me, "Case, you always know what to say."

  I reach out and ruffle his hair, which I know he hates - "I do try."

  There is a bunch more silence, if you discount the distant sirens and cars trundling about their business. It isn't comfortable silence though, because I can tell Handsome wants to tell me something. He keeps opening his mouth and taking a breath, then closing it again and shaking his head. I just wait for him to get his thoughts together because I'm drunk and apparently this evening I'm a very patient drunk. Heads up, this doesn't happen often.

  "I spoke to Levi the other day." He finally blurts out.

  I pause for a long moment and then - "What?"

  "He called me and asked me to go round to his. Said he had something important to say."

  "How did he get your number?"

  "I asked him that, actually - he said that he pitched his story to some cop and they felt sorry for him so they gave him my number. I feel like that's a little bit of a breach in privacy-"

  "-No kidding."

  "-but whatever. Can't do anything about it now."

  "What did he have to say? No! Wait! Do I want to know?"

  "Honestly? I don't want to tell you. This guy has jerked you around enough. You deserve someone lovely who can see how beautiful you are - not some jackass who just takes what he wants and then... and then... is a jackass to you."